Eight great marriage building ideas!

Hi all, here's an article I wrote this morning - am thinking of submitting it to some article distribution websites. What think you?

Eight great marriage-building ideas

There seems to be such a lot of unhappy wedded couples in the world today, so here are a few ideas from someone who has been married more than a decade, to help improve those marriages that appear to be headed for trouble, and to make a great marriage even better!

1) Know yourself; for example when you get tired or grumpy, what circumstances tend to set you off? Try to shape your routine/surroundings to avoid the triggers.

2) Own your feelings – if you use this little trick when there’s something heavy on your heart that you find difficult to discuss, start by saying: “I feel (angry, upset, worried etc) when...”, rather than the accusatory “You make me feel...” Accusing your spouse will have the effect of making them defensive, rather than opening up communication.

3) Try doing a special or helpful something for your beloved – for example, if they normally have to iron or cook, let them have a day off from that chore every now and then. For someone whose primary love language is acts of service, this can fill up their love tank and make for much more pleasant interactions!

4) Speak kindly, encouraging them in their endeavours / dreams / hopes. When someone has a primary love language of words of encouragement, the slightest negative tone in your voice can really crush them. Be aware of the effect your words can have on your spouse. You can encourage using a positive “mmm” if your words have all been used up for the day.

5) Loving touch such as a shoulder massage while they sit at the table after a hard day can make all the difference between a tired, grumpy spouse and a tired, relaxed spouse. Some people might be the prickly type who simply don’t enjoy casual touch like that, you can usually tell when they shudder as soon as you touch them – then you will know that a massage is probably not going to help them to relax much. I do recommend fitting a few hugs into your routine – like when saying goodbye before work and hello when you see each other again.

6) The importance of adequate sleep cannot be underestimated! When your sleep is interrupted night after night, week after week (for example by a crying new baby or wakeful toddler), nasty things go on in the brain chemistry leading to all sorts of mental health issues, depression being the most common. Find someone to help, a friend or family member or even a paid babysitter so the primary caregiver can catch some very much needed sleep.

7) A small thoughtful gift, wrapped nicely with a note for your spouse may have the effect of brightening up their day wonderfully if their primary love language is gifts, leading to closer feelings between you.

8) Time together may be just what you need to help get things back on track – plan a dinner date or a weekend getaway without distractions (leave computers at home), or go for a day walk and see a new view together. For the spouse whose primary love language is time, the more time you have together the better!

The best way to help your marriage is to not be expecting things from your spouse which they may be totally unaware that you are looking for, and to not hold bitterness in your heart for any reason – bitterness is the enemy. Forgiveness is freedom. Then you can focus on helping your spouse feel loved in the best way they can understand it, whether it is by words, time, gifts, acts of service, or touch. Have a happy spouse, and a happy marriage!